Where do I find good resources on Masculinity in 2024?
That has been my question for quite a while, as it’s difficult to find anything that matches what i’m looking for.
On one hand though Andrew Tate has good mindsets around masculinity, he then tries to convince you that you need all these sports cars, and a mansion and such and that’s how you should live life, which personally I don’t give a fuck about. Still what he presents is 1,000,000x better than most of the other stuff I see.
I’ve seen such disgusting bullshit like a so called ‘masculinity coach’ posting about how him and his mates did an activity where they wrestled naked, and that “it’s not gay unless you decide it’s gay”. Nope.. it’s pretty fucking gay no matter how much you pretend.
Then you have equally as disgusting bullshit that i’ve seen. A course on “how to crossdress to connect with your masculinity” and another coach who was charging $10,000 on a course on how to get your life together, including relationships.. so I looked further and he had posts like “polarity isn’t for me, I love to be held in my feminine by my girlfriend” and another post “thankyou for all the trannies that come around to the party and helped me to crossdress” and he thinks that it helps him to better integrate his masculinity.
Any coach who is spouting this kind of bullshit should forcefully have his testicles cut off and never be allowed to ever tell men anything about masculinity ever again. Completely fucking disgusting and weak, and completely, totally 1000% the opposite of masculinity.
Then not quite as bad is the ‘conscious relationship’ guys who are also spouting weakness, and not leadership and being the man and the leader of your relationship.
On the other side when I did security I come across another extreme. These guys who constantly tell you how tough they are, they would feel like it was their job to come up to me and tell me how many guys they beat up last weekend and how tough they are.
I was intimidated at first but eventually realized they are full of shit. Also alot of the time the ones acting loud, threatening and intimidating who turn to water when shit got real. Almost without fail the new guys who joined the team or who worked when we needed somebody who would straight away start with the bullshit of how tough they are and “if anything happens i’ll be in there and put him down instantly”… disappear and don’t do shit, and leave you to deal with it by yourself.
The last one I remember (i’m not in that job anymore) had all this big talk, and then something happened not even that bad where I had to grab a guy and physically move him out of the venue and this guy didn’t do shit and after he was like “oh my god, in 3 years of security that’s the craziest thing i’ve ever seen” and couldn’t handle it, yet there wasn’t even any punches thrown.
So where do you find the middle ground? I’m not saying I have the answers, but I am searching for the answers and have some good knowledge and resources, aswell as different things i’ve tried with varying levels of success which I will detail and explore more here as it might give you some ideas.
So what is Masculinity to me?
NOT what they are telling me in society, NOT what these weak so called ‘masculinity coaches’ I detailed above are spouting, NOT what the feminists and media are trying to brainwash you with. All of that we need to fight against.. and ridicule!
One aspect that may be due in some part to what i’m into, but is still important is..
Physicality.
Being in good shape and functional. Having a good level of ability in self-protection. I feel much more strong in myself and grounded when i’m training combatives though it’s been on and off as it seems to be a challenge to find good people to train with. If it wasn’t for my workouts i’d probably go mental, it’s something that is definately needed. Due to a few reasons I haven’t been able to get into the kind of shape I want to again, but i’m still conssitent with it and feel much better doing it than not.
Looking the part is important, but of course it’s not the only part. I remember when I first lost alot of weight and got into the best shape of my life I would still have similar insecurities as before, and even attract similar low quality women than when I was highly overweight. I thought that if I just kept putting on more and more muscle i’d finally feel good about myself. It helps, but of course you also need the other part…
Confidence/Mindset/Groundedness.
Some confidence can come from being in good shape, and also doing good martial arts type training helps you to be more confident and grounded. But there may also be deeper issues of trauma, insecurities, low self-esteem that you need to work on at the same time.
This can be more difficult than the physical side in alot of ways as you have to confront alot of things about yourself, things you’ve been holding onto for a long time.
This along with the physical training helps you to be more grounded, which is the second part of my site name because it’s important. It’s not the over the top, loud, yelling, bro type guy smashing beer cans against his chest and screaming, it’s not walking around with your chest puffed out like you’re a tough guy and glaring at everyone that walks past.
It’s a more subtle, grounded type strength. You’re genuinely confident in yourself, walk around with awareness and projecting confidence and strength and can deal with things in a calm, grounded way without losing your shit. To me that is more powerful, and i’ve learnt over time that I prefer this feeling to the times i’ve been all ‘pumped up’ and feeling over the top aggressive and such which is what we’ve been told (I guess by pua’s in alot of cases) is what a man is.
You can project a strong vibe and energy of Masculinity, confidence, power in a grounded way without being over the top aggressive, annoying, pretending to be tough and being disrespectful and insulting to everybody.
While also being able to stand up for yourself, express your opinion even if it’s unpopular, projecting strength and a vibe of “i’m a fair person, but don’t fuck with me”.
That is what i’m going for, I won’t say that i’ve mastered it. I have experienced it on and off, seen previews of it, connected with it at times in my life but haven’t been able to be totally consistent with it.
I have also been that more aggressive guy who would overreact to being challenged, get into too many fights when I did security – but an important difference is I didn’t do it to innocent people to bully them, but because I hated bullies and wouldn’t back down and would react strongly to them, most likely because of being picked on at school.
I still have some of that element where I can react with more aggression to some situations even though i’m not that loud kind of guy and generally fairly gentle.. I still know certain types of people and situations can trigger that in me, and I keep working on myself in the aim to be calm and grounded in these kinds of situations and in general in my life.
So let’s explore this together. I hope I will present some ideas that you may not have considered before, alot of what i’ve done, learnt and discovered is because I haven’t found a course or a class to do it the way I wanted it and have experimented with attempting to create what I want for myself at first, but have also presented it to a men’s group I ran for a few years but stopped a few months ago as I wasn’t getting where I wanted with it, and it seems that it’s also difficult to find men who want self-development these days. I worry it’s because they have been beat down too much, told they are bad for being men and being masculine.
And THAT is the kind of bullshit i’m pushing back against, for myself, for the people around me, for the people I care about and for other men who are in the same position.
No responses yet